Michael's Abbey Bible Study - 1 Corinthians Chapter 7

Beginning in chapter 7 and continuing through chapter 16, Paul began answering questions that were sent to him in a letter from the Corinthian church.
1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. The first question was about the Greek philosophy of asceticism. Asceticism views any physical pleasure to be sinful, particularly pleasure from sex, food, and drink. and the body is evil and the ultimate cause of sin. Scripture rejects this philosophy, placing the source of sin as a person's will, and that physical pleasure is good and a gift from God. But like everything else in creation, it can be twisted and perverted into sin.
Taking this verse out of context makes it seem to support asceticism. However, the Greek syntax seems like Paul was quoting or paraphrasing from the letter sent to him. And the condemnation of asceticism that follows makes it clear that this can't be support. This becomes a certainty since he explicitly condemned asceticism in 1 Timothy 4:1-3 and Colossians 2, not to mention has a very positive view of marriage in Ephesians 5. And here he also countered the false teaching of fake spirituality that is asceticism.
To touch a woman was a common euphemism for sexual intercourse, like "relations" is in more recent times.
2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. Paul explicitly contradicted the ascetic philosophy that all sex is sinful. Paul was clear that sex is not sinful when it is in marriage. While he isn't saying we should or shouldn't be married, he is saying the solution for sexual desire is to satisfy it by getting married.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. This was a direct and absolute contradiction of the ascetic philosophy. Ascetics believed it was "holy" to abstain from sex even in marriage. Thus they would sexually starve their spouse of affection for the sake of being "holy", which would leave them both vulnerable to temptation. However, this was not holy at all but was actually sinful. It is neglecting one's spouse. Taking care of the needs of a spouse is a mutual obligation, and not optional.
What is more common today is someone neglecting their spouse in favor of work, the kids, volunteering at church, or something else they put in a higher priority to their obligations to their spouse. This is still a sin, and destructive to the marriage. They don't realize that whatever they are placing above their spouse will be damaged or torn apart by the destruction of their marriage.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. This verse is a foot-stomping of verse 3 and in even stronger language. A spouse does not have the right to deprive their spouse. Ascetics falsely claimed to have the moral high ground based on the wrong assumption that they were actually helping their spouse be more holy. The truth is the exact opposite. Neither the ascetic was being holy, nor were they helping their spouse to be holy. A truly holy marriage is when each spouse is thinking of the other's needs.
While asceticism is very unpopular in western culture's current hedonistic view, this depriving each other is still a sin problem today. For some it is a claim that there isn't time or energy enough leftover from all of their work, home, or child obligations. However, that is a false excuse as they are neglecting their most important obligation and violating the commands of scripture. Another bogus reason is that they expend their energy and attention on something outside the marriage, like watching porn on their computer, an affair, or a prostitute. And those violates this and several other scriptural commands all at once.
5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Just in case the previous verses weren't clear enough, Paul made it an absolutely explicit command. The word deprive here is the same word used in 6:7-8 for a man defrauding another, except this is in the imperative case, making it a command.
Paul gives a potential reason for abstinence, but it absolutely can only be done by mutual agreement between the spouses. It is strongly emphasized that if a couple does this they are to come back together again, and soon. The reason is so neither could be tempted into sin. The majority of affairs happen when one spouse is unilaterally starving the other for affection. To be clear, not having total control over sexual desire is not a criticism. Within marriage it is absolutely and positively normal to want one's spouse this way. Having sexual desire is the primary reason for getting married in scripture.
6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command. To be clear, Paul was not making a concession for marriage. He was making a concession for those abstaining from sex in marriage. But he put three absolute restrictions on it mandating that this only be by mutual agreement, for the purpose of pursuing holiness through dedicating themselves to prayer, and only for a short time. Abstaining from sex in verse 5 is not a command or instruction, but a concession. The limitations on that concession are commands. And verses 2-4 absolutely are commands.
7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. Here Paul was talking about his own celibacy. That he could live this way without succumbing to temptation was a gift (charisma) from God. He was not saying that this is something everyone can or should do. Again, he was refuting what the ascetics were advocating. Celibacy is not for the married. In fact, living in a sexual marriage is a gift from God.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. There was no word for widower in koine Greek. The masculine form of unmarried, agamois, was used, like here. So this would be better translated in modern English as being to the widowers and widows, but not as exactly as was written in Greek.
What this verse is saying is that when someone is made single by the death of their spouse and they are able to remain celibate, it's a good thing. It is absolutely clear from the context of this passage as well as the rest of scripture that this does not mean it is good in a moral sense. It is that an unencumbered life allows one to do things that a married person cannot do because of their obligations. A single person can serve God with more of their time and more freely than a married person.
9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. There is no condemnation for not having the self-control to remain celibate. That is normal for human beings, and how most of us are made by God. While in the Greek it literally only says "to burn", that was a euphemism meaning to burn with passion. And it still is. Again, the answer to our sex drive is to have sex, but within marriage.
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. This is explicitly from the Lord via Paul. While all of Paul's scriptural writing is by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul explicitly stated this was from God to counter the disposable marriages of the time. We are nearly as bad today.
Under Roman law, a woman leaving the marriage home was a divorce of her husband. A man could just put his wife out of the house to divorce her. No legal proceedings were needed. Under Jewish law a man could just write a certificate of divorce and it was done. Against this the beginning of verse 10 is a prohibition on divorce for women, and the end of verse 11 a prohibition on divorce for men.
Jesus gave an exception for sexual infidelity. It is certain that Paul would agree with that as well. However, divorce for infidelity is not a requirement or command. It is an option. If the marriage can be saved, then certainly do so. But if the infidelity has broken the marriage the other spouse is not shackled to their cheating spouse. They may end the marriage without sin. It is explicitly a sin is to end a marriage for the purpose of remarriage.
I will add that if someone is in actual danger of physical harm or death from their spouse, they are right to and ought to leave their spouse. As to whether that justifies divorce is entirely dependent on the individual circumstances and motivations.
Regardless of whether the divorce is justified or not, once a remarriage occurs by either spouse, the previous marriage is broken and the other spouse can remarry without sin. Adultery is a valid reason for divorce, and scripture is clear that remarriage by someone who unjustly divorced their previous spouse is adultery. Also, they are now joined to a new spouse, and that then becomes the covenant they must be loyal to. It does not absolve them of the guilt from the previous unjust divorce. But they can repent and ask forgiveness for that.
Separation or divorce does not put a person outside the church. Only if someone is responsible for ending it without justification, is not willing to accept that, and will not repent should that ever even be a question. Since making sense of these situations is a lot like trying to unscramble eggs, we should tread lightly and be very, very careful how we deal with it and look at all sides involved. We almost never have the whole picture. Without careful and thoughtful interaction with both spouses it is impossible to have a clue about it. We should never make assumptions or act in haste, but that goes double for outsiders looking at these situations.
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. Paul was saying this was from him, not a directive from God. However, Paul has the authority of an apostle of Christ. And this was coming from his own wisdom and is the logical conclusion coming from God's instructions and scripture.
God's standard is not to divorce. And we are not to get married to an unbeliever. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 is explicitly clear that we should not marry unbelievers. However, once the marriage exists being unequally yoked is not a reason for divorce. So if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay married, then the believer has no reason for divorce.
There is an important principal here that it seems the majority of those who claim to be Christians get wrong. We cannot hold unbelievers to Christian standards. And we should hold Christians to Christian standards. But many get it backwards ignoring the sin of Christians and condemning unbelievers. This is particularly so for those who are unequally yoked. It is crazy to try to get an unbeliever to give financially to the church. They don't believe, so doing so is beyond foolish to them. In such a case, the believing spouse should find other ways to contribute that don't provoke conflict in the marriage such as donating time and labor.
The prohibition against being unequally yoked is not only about marriage. We aren't to go into business with an unbeliever, or any other endeavor. If the unbelieving business partner does something unethical, it will bring disrepute to the Christian and the church. This also applies to other things like clubs and associations. For example, a Christian could be a member of a Mustang car club. But they shouldn't be co-officers with unbeliever if both have access to the club's funds. This is because financial misbehavior by the unbeliever tarnishes the believer, and Christians in general.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. In addition to being obedient to God's view of marriage, here is another reason to remain with an unbelieving spouse. It is for their sake and the sake of the children, that all would be sanctified by the continued presence and example of the Christian spouse. That the kids would be unclean if the parent divorces an unbelieving spouse is the language of the First Covenant. The implication is that the kids would be outside the new covenant if the believer doesn't maintain an intact relationship with them.
Most religions that observe parental inheritance of their religion are patrilineal, meaning that the children are automatically considered to be in the religion of the father. Islam is an example of this. However, Judaism is matrilineal meaning they are automatically considered to be in the religion of the mother. This means that the children of a male Jew who is married to a gentile woman would have to convert to be in Judaism. This recognizes the importance and influence of a mother on her children. Thus an unequally yoked wife is able to influence her children to God by how she lives.
15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. Believers should not divorce except for specified justification. But if an unbelieving spouse pursues divorce, the believer is no longer bound to them. We cannot hold an unbeliever to Christian standards, which is a big reason why we shouldn't choose to be partnered with unbelievers in the first place. So if an unbeliever leaves the marriage we have no recourse like involving others in the church, bringing it to the leaders, and so on.
When an unbeliever is unwilling to stay with a believing spouse, the believer is not bound to them any longer. This means they may get married again and that is not a sin. In fact, they should remarry if needed to prevent sexual sin.
This verse is not a license for the believing spouse to drive their unbelieving spouse away. If this is a deliberate action, then it is the same thing as initiating the divorce themselves. God knows our heart and innermost thoughts.
Galatians 6:7-8 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
Some commentators try to assert that Paul was silent on the subject of whether a believer who has been left by their unbelieving spouse can remarry or not. This is reading into the text a false doctrine of never allowing remarriage under any circumstances. However, what other bondage could they be released from than being tied to this unbeliever who divorced them? It is clearly the bondage of an obligation to a marriage that no longer exists. Additionally, this incorrect doctrine contradicts Paul's instruction on dealing with one's sex drive.
16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Another reason for remaining in the marriage with an unbelieving spouse is that the believer may save the unbeliever. However, 1 Peter 3:1-4 instructs wives to win over their husbands without words, but with their actions and the goodness of their inner person, their heart. This is because no one was ever nagged into believing in Christ. But millions have been loved into belief. Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. Thus, a gentle spirit wins over, while a harsh critic chases away.
To be clear, verse 15 does not mean the believer is required to just accept the unbeliever's departure as the final end unless the unbeliever remarries. The believer can accept it, they just aren't required to do so. If they are willing and able, trying to win over the unbeliever to Christ, and then to the reconciliation of the marriage is a good thing. But this must be done in a spirit of love and gentleness. If the divorce is opposed at all costs, the hostility this causes will drive the unbeliever away from Christ. Again, there is no requirement to attempt this, nor a prohibition against it.
17 Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches. This verse opens with a Greek idiom Ei mé that is more clearly translated as "nevertheless" and ties it to the preceding paragraph.
This verse is about a general principle for everyone in all churches. It is to serve in the life they were in when they were called. (Being called is a euphemism for hearing the call of Jesus and answering yes, accepting Him as our savior and becoming His disciple.) There is a tendency for some new converts to want to upend their life and head out into the mission field of some foreign country right away. However, that is not appropriate for a new Christian. Not to mention that their own lives are a fertile mission field as it is.
In the context of the previous verses this is primarily addressing those who became a Christian after they were married. However, it also applies to those who wrongly married an unbeliever. The best course of action is to remain as we are when we became Christians, which includes remaining in a marriage begun before becoming a Christian. To be clear, this is not referring to circumstances or situations that are inherently sinful. For example, if someone is in an occupation that is sinful, such as professional thief or killer or something in the sex trade, they should absolutely remove themselves from that when they are saved. This verse is referring to circumstances that are not inherently sinful. While we may be tempted to sin in our existing situation, that is true of all of life. That doesn't mean it is because of our situation that we sin however much we want to put the blame on something besides ourselves.
18 Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to be circumcised. On its surface, this verse seems illogical. How can a person become uncircumcised? However, it actually makes perfect sense and is quite profound.
Circumcision meant more than just circumcision. It was a euphemism for being in Judaism, which meant following the law. (While circumcision itself predates the law, it later became synonymous with the law.) It was an outward sign of being part of the First Covenant. It meant being a practicing Jew.
It is clear why the uncircumcised should not become circumcised. And Paul has specified why repeatedly. We are no longer under the law of Moses. And to try to do so as a Gentile almost inevitably leads to a wrong belief in a justification by works fallacy. To be clear, true Judaism does not teach justification by works. It teaches nomism, which Gentiles do not understand. It is grace that saves a person. But following the law is identification with being the chosen people. Gentiles do not have the cultural background to understand nomism. Thus they almost always mix it with the secular / pagan culture that is the source of justification by works.
What is less clear is why a Jew should continue to be a practicing Jew when they too are no longer under the law of Moses. One reason that is highly likely is found in Romans 14. For someone who was raised in Judaism, failing to do so would hurt their conscience. Therefore, they should do as their conscience dictates and do so for the Lord. Another almost certain reason is to be a witness to other Jews. To cease to be a practicing Jew would make them an apostate in the eyes of their family and friends. It would be almost impossible to witness to them and win them over.
19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. The words circumcision and uncircumcision could be replaced by Jew and gentile in this verse and it would mean the same thing. Whether one follows the law of Moses or not doesn't matter. What is important is keeping God's commandments. This is not a contradiction. First, the law did not bring salvation. Salvation has always been a gift of grace. It was a nomistic identification with God and God's people. (Something westerners have no experience with and therefore don't really understand.) Second, Jesus gave many, many commands. The Holy Spirit did as well through the inspiration of the writers of scripture. And the Father had many commands that all people in every nation are judged for disobeying, which we tend to think of as basic morality. Only Israel was judged by the Law of Moses. The things God judged other nations for are the universal commandments for everyone.
20 Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called. This verse in Greek is literally "remain in the calling in which he was called," which sounds awkward in English. Not to mention calling and called are not related terms in Greek. Calling refers to the occupation, station in life, and social situation. Being called means being summoned by God. To be clear, that is not one-sided. We must answer God's call.
What this verse is instructing is for us to continue as we were when we became Christians. Again, there is an urge to upend one's life when encountering Jesus. And that impulse is right and good when it comes to turning away from sin and to zealously pursue God in scripture and worship. However, it is easy for people to take this urge to things we shouldn't do. For example, people in the Thessalonians church were quitting their jobs in order to spend all their time learning about God and worshipping Him. But this meant they were a burden on the others living off the communal meals instead of working and contributing to them. This is why Paul gave the instruction that any who do not work should not be allowed to eat. In the same way we should be sober-minded, carefully considering and consulting wise Christians before making a big change like that. Going into the mission field is not something that should be rushed into.
21 Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. If being a slave does not preclude one from being a disciple of God, then any other circumstance people claim to be a hinderance to serving is actually a lame excuse. Circumstances are irrelevant. Excuses like "if it wasn't for my spouse" or "if it wasn't for my coworker or boss" aren't justification for not living as a disciple of Christ. Our circumstances are actually the opportunities we have to serve God.
However, we are not locked into our current social setting and circumstances. If we can improve our circumstances we should. (That does not mean trading our spouse for another!) But our walk as Christians shouldn't depend on our circumstances to live out our faith. It's like the cliché, bloom where you're planted.
22 For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord's freedman; likewise he who was called while free, is Christ's slave. In other words, earthly circumstances are not what they seem. Not to mention that they are temporary anyway. What should matter to a Christian is God's perspective, not our own.
23 You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. At this time in history, if someone couldn't provide for themselves they could sell themselves into slavery. Then they could pay off their debts, and have a place to live and food to eat. Paul was saying not to do that because we have already been purchased by Jesus, and the price paid was his crucifixion.
Today, people do the opposite. They sell themselves into slavery by getting into debt. Then they must work for their debt holders, who profit from the labor of others.
24 Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called. This repeat of the principle was to foot-stomp its importance. One should think carefully before making any drastic changes. Burning bridges is not an effective way to witness. Be wise and sober minded when making life changes. The odds are we can be the most effective for God in our current circumstances with people who know us.
A tenant of many religions is that a person's social standing in this life determines their religious standing. For example, in Hinduism people of the untouchable class cannot even enter a temple or shrine. For Christians, such things do not matter. What man thinks is nothing. It is what God thinks that matters. Whatever life's circumstances, we should live as Christians.
25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. This is the beginning of a different but related topic. It is Paul's advice, not God's commandments. But Paul was an exceptional biblical scholar and an apostle, so he is worth listening to. Thus this is good for a person, but a person's Christianity doesn't depend on it.
That this concerns virgins means this is about getting married or not.
26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. The Corinthian ascetics had been arguing against sex, even in marriage. And they were saying that virgins should stay that way because that was the moral thing to do.
Paul agrees that it is better to stay the way we are, and references a crisis that was happening at the time as a reason. (The grammar and context doesn't support this being about the end times.) Thus, Paul contradicted the ascetics argument and said this isn't a moral question but a question of what makes life easier in the troubles at that time.
27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. This is a reiteration of the remain as you are instruction from before. Being released is not necessarily about divorce, but is more about a widower who is released from being bound to their wife by her death.
28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But it's not a sin to marry and have sex. It's just that marriage brings trouble in this life that a single person doesn't have to deal with. This is Paul's advice, not moral imperatives.
Those who marry will have trouble in this life. That is a fact. Anyone who thinks that marriage should be this perfect life like a perpetual honeymoon is delusional. Marriage can be wonderful, especially when both spouses are fully in it and live out their Christian faith in their marriage and family. But it is never without trouble. You can't stop normal. But you can deal with it.
Jewish tradition made marriage almost mandatory for men. Because of this, some scholars speculate that Paul must have been a widower. However, there was no mandatory age for a man to get married. It was just expected that he would at some point. Some would chose to wait until they were established in life, although this was a minority of men. Although it was a larger minority of scholars like Paul would delay to complete their studies. When Stephen was stoned, Paul was too young to participate by law. This why he only watched over their coats. There was not a lot of time between this and his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus. And after that he spent years studying and preaching. It is highly unlikely that Paul was ever married, particularly since he refers to his ability to abstain. It seems some try to read a Pauline marriage into the text because they have trouble accepting marriage advice from one who was never married. However, we should remember that scripture is inspired by the Holy Spirit, not the mere words of man. The experience of the one writing is irrelevant.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; 31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. Paul addresses this section to adelphoi, which is Greek for brothers. However, it is clear from the context that this is meant to be for the whole church. So translating this as brothers and sisters would be accurate. The time has been shortened would probably be better put that the time is short in modern English.
These verses should be read as an allegorical whole and not taken as specific instructions. Taking these as literal and individual statements leads people down rabbit holes Paul did not intend. To take that married men should literally behave as if they were single would be to violate and contradict all of Paul's instruction on the proper behavior of husbands in this letter and others.
Paul's point is that our focus should be on eternity, not on the circumstances of this very, very short and temporary life. While Christ's return may not happen in our lifetime, that our lifetime is short is indisputable. We have to make our way in this life. But we must strive to keep our focus on what is really important and lasting. This earth may seem durable when compared to our short lifespans, it is also only temporary.
32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; "Free from concern" is a single word, and an adjective not a noun. Treating it as the noun as it appears in most English translations can lead to misunderstanding. "I want you to not be anxious" might be clearer. Except the word anxious brings a lot of unnecessary negative baggage that could also be misleading.
A single man is free to focus on God and doing whatever they can to serve Him and advance His kingdom.
33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, A man who is married is responsible for the wellbeing and needs of his wife and family. By necessity he must be concerned with the things of this world in order to provide for them. A decision to pack up and move to the mission field cannot be unilateral. This is not a condemnation, but merely a statement of fact. That married men must take care of their families is right and proper.
34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. A married Christian man is concerned with God's will and His kingdom. But by necessity and right obligation his focus is divided.
Just like with men, a single woman can devote all her energy to serving God. But a married woman must concern herself with the wellbeing and needs of her husband and family. This is not a moral judgment but a contrast of the ability to serve God in these two circumstances. Simply put, taking on obligations in this life means less time for God.
Unmarried and virgin in this context are euphemisms for widows and those who were never married.
35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. Paul was absolutely not saying that people should not get married. He contradicted the ascetics on that subject earlier in this chapter. However, a single person can accomplish so much more than one who is married because his focus and time is not divided. But this is not an option for everyone. As he stated, those who are already married have responsibilities to their spouse and family. And as he stated in verse 9, those who cannot contain their sexual desire should get married.
Most cultures and many churches look down on single people, like they are second class citizens. Paul is elevating them as being able to be more effective because of their unencumbered circumstance.
36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. These next three verses are awkward to rigidly translate into English with clarity, especially considering the huge cultural difference in marriage customs. Some attempts tend to be misleading. For example, the NASB adds "daughter" to "virgin". But daughter does not appear in the Greek. These verses are not about fathers at all, but are about single men and the women they are betrothed to. Betrothal at that time and place was different than an engagement today. It could be set up at a much younger age, and with the advice and consent of the family. And it required a divorce to end a betrothal even though they were not married. However, both man and woman had complete veto power of the marriage. (This was not forced marriage.)
Essentially, Paul is repeating his advice to stay single, while again refuting the ascetics. But he gets into some detail regarding this specific circumstance. If he cannot control his desire for the woman he is betrothed to and she is old enough to get married, then they should marry. If she is past her youth means if she is old enough to get married. It is not a sin to marry.
Acting unbecomingly, aschemonein in Greek, is referring to a man having difficulty in controlling his passion for his betrothed. "If it must be so" is also referring to sexual desire. If a person cannot control their sexual desire, then getting married is the proper thing to do.
37 But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. There are conditions regarding staying single for the man who is betrothed. First, he must be able to control his desire, and "stand firm." Second, there must be no constraint, literally having no necessity, which means he is not obligated to marry her. There could be a variety of reasons for there to be an obligation prior to the actual marriage. One would be that they had slipped and engaged in intercourse. Then he would be obligated to go through with the marriage and his own will is no longer a consideration. He would do well to able to resist the temptation of sexual desire and stay single.
38 So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. The Greek word gamizon is literally gives in marriage. However, unlike in English, the same word is used for one who takes someone in marriage. Thus "marries" or "takes in marriage" would be a better translation in this context.
Put simply, a man who marries his betrothed does well. And a man who is able to abstain does better. This is not morally or is in any way a judgement of one over the other like the ascetics do. It is purely in the context of being more free to pursue God and advance His kingdom.
39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. This verse is about widows. Specifically, a widow is free to remarry as long as the new husband is a Christian.
This verse should not be taken out of context and used to oppose remarriage regardless of the circumstances. Divorce for infidelity and for abandonment by an unbelieving spouse is clearly allowed in scripture. Under Roman law leaving the home was a legal divorce.
40 But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God. n Paul's opinion, a widow would be happier if she remains unmarried. And while that is his opinion, he does have the Spirit of God. And his writing is the inspired word of God by the Holy Spirit, as was confirmed by Peter in 2 Peter 3.
It seems Paul's phrasing may have a sarcastic push back against Corinthians who claim he was not filled with the Spirit. Regardless, this means his personal advice comes from one who is an expert on the scriptures and who is filled by the Holy Spirit to a great degree.

Scripture quotations taken from the NASB © The Lockman Foundation.

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